Lately, I've been receiving an increasing number of inquiries from my subscribers and friends of my Substack. Several of these questions have truly captivated my thoughts and sparked contemplation. Given the intriguing nature of these queries, I've made the decision to introduce a brand new segment called the "Orthodox Mailbag." The purpose behind this feature is to not only share these thought-provoking questions but also provide my (hopefully insightful) answers to them. It occurred to me that if some individuals have these inquiries, there's a good chance others do too, so why not make them public? By doing so, we can all engage in deep reflection and hopefully it will generate meaningful discussions. I wholeheartedly encourage anyone with a question to send it my way, and rest assured, I will maintain the utmost confidentiality when it comes to the identities of my valued readers and subscribers for this particular feature.
*This question comes from a subscriber who has made the conversion from Roman Catholicism to Eastern Orthodoxy
Q - I was a Roman Catholic like you. I still pray the Rosary. I still venerate Our Lady of Guadalupe. I am of Mexican heritage but I most certainly believe that our Orthodox Faith is the One True Faith of our Ancestors. What are your thoughts on retaining some Catholic traditions and practices
A - I know exactly what you mean. I miss some things from the Latin Church as well, and I still hold on to several traditions that I will never let go of. I still wear my scapular. I still have a statue of Saint Francis in my garden. I don't pray the Holy Rosary as often as I used to, I now say the Jesus prayer in place of the Rosary on most days, but I will still pray the Rosary from time to time. I don't think there is anything wrong with holding on to some of these traditions. In fact, I would say it makes our faith stronger. I find it beautiful that we can have such a broad perspective that spans two Universal Churches. It is something that sets us apart from both other Orthodox believers as well as other Catholics.
My wife and I actually have a day that we call “Catholic Tribute Day" on the final Friday before the start of our Orthodox Great Lent, when the Catholic Lent has typically already started, we will attend a Fish Fry and watch a Catholic movie in the evening. It is our tribute to our former faith and our former Church, and on this day we also pray that someday this schism will end.
Additionally, I have discovered this version of an Orthodox Rosary, which I find very interesting indeed:
“Although the Rosary is associated with Catholics, it is believed by some Orthodox to be originally an Orthodox form of prayer that fell out of common practice in the East, but was adopted by the West. Some trace it to the eighth century. One form of it comes from St. Seraphim of Sarov. There are 15 meditations, each accompanied by 10 Hail Mary's (Eastern version, as below), followed by the Lord's Prayer and the Jesus Prayer. The prayers given with the meditations below are those of St. Seraphim of Sarov, as reported by one of his spiritual sons.
For those who wish to give it an opening and a closing, as is done in the West, it can be begun with the Sign of the Cross, the Lord's Prayer, three Trisagions and a Glory Be. And can close with “It is truly meet to call thee blessed” in place of the “Salve Regina.”
*This question comes from a Roman Catholic subscriber who is considering a conversion to Eastern Orthodoxy
Q - I am really curious what your relationship with God is like. What is your perception of God, and do you have relationships with each Person of The Holy Trinity? If yes, have these relationships changed since converting to Orthodoxy? Also, what is your prayer life like and how do you connect with God? Can you explain to me what an Orthodoxy prayer life should look like?
A - I can tell you with certainty that I have a different relationship regarding both prayer in general and toward the Trinity than I ever have in the past. And I have a different view about the “one essence and undivided" nature of the Trinity. Maybe that is because we recite that phrase so often during Orthodox Liturgy and Vespers. Or maybe it is because of the focus placed on the Filioque controversy in so much of Orthodox teaching and writing. There is a constant emphasis placed on the Trinity and the nature of the Trinity. And I contemplate the three persons of the Trinity more than I ever have.
For most of my life as a Catholic, I'll be honest, I think I had a very shallow understanding of “God". I prayed to “God" a lot, and in church we would read scripture about Jesus and the Apostles, and of course there was an understanding of the Trinity, but I don't think I ever really contemplated Jesus as being part of a single God who is both three and one (triune); the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, “one in essence and undivided, three distinct, divine persons” (hypostases) Additionally, the “Holy Spirit" was never much more than an afterthought. This is very unlike how I approach the Holy Spirit now. I prayed to God, occasionally. I probably prayed to (intercession through) Mary more than I prayed to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
I used to pray the Rosary often. In the car, on the way to and from work, on my breaks. For a time, after I separated from the Navy, I worked security on 3rd shift for a couple years while I was getting my business up and running. There was plenty of time to pray the Rosary on those overnights. The Rosary was sort of my “go to" for prayer. My wife and I would pray the Our Father before bed if we remembered. For a few years, while we were trying to have kids, would pray the Morning and Evening Hours from the Saint Joseph Guide of the Divine Office. We became very devoted during those years. In hindsight I think it's because we wanted something (children) and felt like becoming "good Catholics" would bring us what we wanted. It was a convoluted approach to prayer.
It was all very rote, sort of passionless, which is kind of how I view Catholicism as a whole now. Like if you say these prayers to Mary for intercession, in this order, you'll get what you want. Like a bank transaction. After converting to Orthodoxy everything kind of changed. I have a very distinct relationship with the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit now.
I feel like the “God the Son” is with me always. When I pray, I find that my prayer is now truly directed toward three distinct and divine persons. It's not something I do intentionally, it just sort of started happening.
When I give thanks, it is almost always to the “God the Father”, to the God of all. My Creator. I don't really turn to the Father when I am in need. When I petition for help, it is almost always to Christ the Son. Or more precisely to Christ and sometimes to the Theotokos for intercession. If things aren't going right, or I am confused, or I need guidance, I do this. basically, whenever I “ask" in prayer, I pray to “God the Son” or to Christ.
The Holy Spirit is most present when I am “feeling" something. When I see something so beautiful that it makes me almost want to cry. Sometimes I do cry. I never used to cry this much. I was not an emotional guy. My wife can tell you. Now, sometimes it seems like almost anything will set me off. When I see someone perform an act of charity that I find beautiful..
The other day when I received the news about Bishop Mar Mari Emmanuel, I became very upset. That was the Holy Spirit. Another time, my wife and I were in Costco and an older Asian man ordered some food, and his order was wrong, and the lady at the counter was very rude to him. She didn't want to change the order for him, and she told him he needs to go to customer service and get a refund and then come back. She was so mean to him, but he kept a smile on his face and just said “thank you” and took his food to a table and ate what he was given. He didn't allow her to darken his spirit. I swear, I thought I was going to cry right there in Costco watching that old man eat his hot dog. I have never been this way. This is what Orthodoxy does to a person I think.
Sometimes a beautiful sunset will get me choked up. If I am out hiking or walking my dog down at the trails and reciting the Jesus prayer. I just become overwhelmed with this feeling sometimes. The hair on the back of my neck stands up. I get a little flush. I think this is the Holy Spirit paying me a visit. It happens in Church a lot, during really beautiful parts of the Liturgy. It happened during the Canon of Saint Andrew when the Chant of the Prophet Isaiah was sung. It happened during the Akathist service.. and during the Forgiveness Liturgy. It happens often during the homily when my Spiritual Father is speaking. Sometimes I see a very bright light that seems to emanate from behind his head and I almost cannot see him anymore. It feels like I am staring into the sun and I have to close my eyes. This is the Holy Spirit I think.
I suppose this is how I would describe my view of the Trinity now. To God the Father, I give thanks. To God the Son, and to the Theotokos I petition for help and ask for prayers for myself and for others. From God the Holy Spirit I feel His love and His divine touch in a very physical way.
And they are always present now. Always. I never feel alone anymore. A year ago, I would say there were times when I could be surrounded by people and still feel very alone. Now, I would say I could be in the most dark and desolate place imaginable and not feel alone. He is always with me now. I feel like I am in constant communication with Him. Like He might as well be sitting next to me on the couch, or in the passenger seat of my car. I am turning to Him constantly. Talking to Him constantly. That was never the case before.
As for our prayer life, we pray much more often than we ever have. The first thing we do when we wake up is go to the Icon corner and say the morning prayer. At night, after we shower, we stand in front of the Icon wall in our room and pray before we get in bed. And we try to pray the Psalms at 12pm, 3pm and 6pm. My wife and I both have alarms on our phones to remind us to pray the Hours. Most of the time we don't need the alarm, they are more of a backup. We tend to be very in tune with the Hours now.
We pray before every meal or snack, and beyond that we find ourselves turning to prayer whenever we are experiencing something profound. For instance, when our dog was hurt and needed surgery, we prayed over him at the veterinarian before they took him to surgery. We will pray when we get some news, good or bad. If a friend or family member calls and tells us something that is profound or important or calls for prayer. Or if we are watching the news (which we try not to do often) and learn of something that calls for prayer. We will stop what we are doing and pray. That's not something we would have done when we were Catholic, we simply didn't have that sort of prayer life then.
*The next question comes from a currently Orthodox subscriber, who is also dealing with close family who are not believers as well as a romantic relationship with a non believer.
Q - What do we do and how do we act with people who are either not believers or doubting? Do we remain silent? How can we hide our light and love for Christ in these situations? We should not do this according to His teachings, yet, I do not want to talk about something and pour my soul out to people who are not interested and who are simply not ready? (paraphrased)
A - I’ll be honest, this is a really tough one, I struggle with it too. Because as you know from reading much of what I write, I truly dislike proselytizing to people. For people who have no interest in religion at all, such as atheists or agnostics, etc. they simply don't want to hear it and very rarely will they be moved from their position of disbelief. As for doubters, as much as it is cliché and might not feel like the most productive recommendation, you do simply have to continue praying for them, demonstrating your faith by your actions, living like Christ (setting the example) and probably choose your battles about when and how you discuss God, faith or religious issues.
There will be openings, specifically when they share struggles or problems they are having with you, or times when you can point out that this problem or struggle might be solved by faith, but it certainly isn't something we should continuously beat the drum about in my opinion. As you say, that could drive them away, and it will be counterproductive.
The main thing, I think, with close friends and family—basically the people we love, but who we don't choose in this life—we have to be careful not to drive them away with our faith. In my opinion, it is better to have them around in your life without salvation, while we continue to pray for them and show them love and support, and continue to model Christ-like behavior, than to drive them away entirely.
And this isn't the same thing as “hiding” your faith or pretending to not be passionate about it, but it is simply being sensitive to those who would be driven away by our demonstrative zeal for the faith. It is a choice to be measured, in the same way you would never do anything to drive somebody who is standing on a ledge or on a bridge, ready to jump to their death, into doing that. No, we would be measured with our words and our behavior. Get them to come back off the ledge. In that same way we must view how we deal with the Godless. Because they too are standing on a ledge.
If we think about it logically, forcing it on them will never bring them closer to Christ. it will drive a wedge between you and them, and then there is no chance of them finding Christ. Zero. Whereas if you temper your enthusiasm, continue to show them what Christ's love looks like by your actions when you are with them, and continue to pray for them, then at least there is a chance they will someday find Christ. Almost like Osmosis.. You will rub off on them.
At least if you think of it this way, you won't feel like you are denying your faith.. you aren't pretending to not be a Christ follower, you aren't being fake or lying about anything. You are simply being cautious and discerning about how and when you pick your moments to do Christ's work. It is simply strategy.
But the truth is, I have never really known many people who have found Christ (not including those who grew up in religious families and who always knew Christ) without some mechanism to cause it. Usually tragedy of some kind. It has been my experience that people who have been atheist or agnostic their whole lives will often find Christ after something causes them to hit rock bottom. An addiction, a divorce, death to a loved one... The people who reach out to Him in despair, they are usually the ones who find him. They seek comfort in Him finally, and then they realize that He answers them, and then they finally understand what they have been missing.
We never want to hope or pray for these rock bottom moments of despair in the lives of our loved ones, we never want to wish for tragedy to befall them, but we definitely want to be in a position to guide them toward Him when those moments arrive. And let's face it, those moments will arrive for all of us eventually.
But the other thing I would say, especially in regards to those people who are not family, or very close and loved friends who are like family, in other words, the people we do “choose" in this life, is that we can always do better in our choices to surround ourselves with people who allow us to be ourselves, and who we can comfortably celebrate our passion for Christ with. The bible warns us about becoming unevenly yoked:
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
2 Corinthians 6:14-18
So in this way, we always have a decision to make. And sometimes, depending on the relationship, and how that person responds to our faith, we may have to decide if the relationship is forcing us to feel like we are denying our faith. With a son, daughter, brother, sister or parent, this is a much easier decision, because we cannot choose those people. They are our blood. But in other relationships we must decide, and sometimes that is very difficult.
One thing you can do in these instances is sit down with the person and have a serious conversation about your feelings. You may have to say; “I love you very much, but I feel like I am not free to love and worship my God when we are together." Not as an ultimatum, but to explain what you are feeling. And maybe you will find that the other person loves you so much, that they are more willing to discover Christ with you than they are willing to lose you. If they are not, knowing how important this is to you, you have to ask yourself how serious they are about you.
Think about it. How difficult would it be for a person to say, “I have doubts but I am willing to explore the faith for you.” And would that be enough for you? If they made a very real effort to believe. If they would go to Church with you, whether they believe or not? Because you believe, and because they love you, so they simply make the effort to try and believe? We cannot control what we believe. But we can control what we participate in. Maybe you aren't asking them to become Christian, but only to accept that being a Christian is the most important part of your life and to participate on some level? I know women who hate cars, but they will go to ten car shows a year with their husband and walk around pretending to be as excited as he is. Or they will go to a baseball or hockey game and do the same. Is going to Church really any different for a non believer? It's a sacrifice they can make for the person they love. And maybe the faith never comes, perhaps it does, but in making that sacrifice they are already acting Christ-like. This is what is important in my view.
When I was younger, about 22 years old, I was dating a woman who was a little older. It was when I was in the Navy and we were living in Hawaii. She was very, very Catholic. I was raised Catholic, but at that point in my life, I was not living fully in Christ, and I was not ready to be so outwardly vocal about my faith. I went to Church occasionally, and I called myself a Catholic, but anything more than that felt “bible thumpy" to me. I wasn't the kind of guy who prayed much, and certainly not in front of anyone else. One day she called me out on it. She said I acted like a man who claimed to be one thing but lived in another way, and that she loved me, but if I couldn't commit more to God and my faith that she would have to move on. She wanted a man who was deeply faithful, who prayed frequently, who lived the life Christ commanded and didn't just talk about it. That was what she demanded for herself, and more importantly it was what God commanded her to do. She was not going to settle for anything less..
Needless to say, I was offended and hurt. At 22 years old I was not ready for this lesson. We ended up breaking up. But it was a pivotal moment in my life. I never forgot that lesson. Ever. Years later when I met and eventually married my now wife that lesson guided me. What that woman did helped make me the man I am today. And it caused me to marry a wonderful God fearing woman years later. I imagine that woman probably found the God fearing man who was right for her eventually too. So maybe two beautiful marriages in Christ were created because she had the courage to say that to me that day, and the courage to choose God over me.
I don't know if any of this helps. It is a difficult subject to find the right answer to. But basically, I think we need to determine what kind of relationship we are dealing with, remain patient with those who we cannot part with, make tough decisions with those who we can. Always be honest and transparent. Always communicate, and above all, always pray. If we do those things, God will work in our lives and in our relationships.
So that wraps up the first edition of Orthodox Mailbag. I enjoy receiving these kinds of questions because they force me to think about my faith in real-life terms. I have greatly enjoyed answering them and contemplating on my faith through these questions. I encourage anyone who has similar types of questions to feel free to message me. I will be happy to attempt to answer them. I cannot guarantee I have any answers that are worthwhile, but I will try. When enough correspondence is generated to warrant another Mailbag, I will post it.
Thank you for reading!